Setting Boundaries When a Loved One Is Struggling with Addiction

When someone you care about is battling addiction, your instinct might be to do everything you can to help — fix, rescue, accommodate, or sacrifice. While these responses often come from love, they can unintentionally create unhealthy dynamics that enable the addiction or leave you emotionally and physically drained.

That’s where boundaries come in.

Line in between two people

What Are Boundaries — and Why Are They So Hard to Set?

Boundaries are limits you put in place to protect your emotional well-being, time, energy, and safety. They are not punishments or ultimatums — they are acts of self-respect and necessary tools for healthy relationships.

But when it comes to addiction, boundaries can feel uncomfortable. You might worry that setting limits means you don’t care, or that you’ll push your loved one away.

The truth is, boundaries aren’t rejection — they’re protection, for both of you.

Why Boundaries Matter in Addiction

When addiction is involved, the usual rules of relationships often get bent, blurred, or broken. You might start tolerating behaviors you never thought you would — lies, manipulation, financial strain, emotional outbursts — all in an effort to keep the peace or avoid guilt.

But here's the reality: without boundaries, addiction becomes the architect of your life too.

Setting clear boundaries helps:

• Protect your emotional and physical health

• Provide structure and accountability

• Encourage your loved one to take responsibility for their choices

Prevent enabling behaviors

Practical Boundaries You Can Set

Boundaries will look different depending on your relationship and your situation. Here are a few examples:

• Emotional boundaries: “I’m here to talk, but I won’t engage when you’re under the influence.”

• Financial boundaries: “I can’t give you money, but I can help you find treatment options.”

• Time boundaries: “I can’t keep answering calls late at night — I need rest, too.”

• Space boundaries: “You can’t live here if you’re using. If you’re ready for help, I’ll support you in finding it.”

Tips for Communicating Boundaries

• Be clear and consistent. Vague or shifting boundaries can confuse and frustrate both you and your loved one.

• Use “I” statements. This reduces blame and defensiveness. (“I feel overwhelmed when I don’t know if you’re safe. I need to take a step back until you’re willing to seek help.”)

• Expect pushback. Boundaries disrupt old patterns. Stay grounded and remember why you're setting them.

• Get support. You don’t have to do this alone. Therapists, recovery coaches, and support groups for families can help you stay strong and compassionate.

Remember: Boundaries Are a Form of Love

Addiction can be a long and painful road — not just for the person experiencing it, but for everyone around them. Setting boundaries may be one of the most difficult things you ever do, but it’s also one of the most important.

You’re not abandoning them — you’re refusing to abandon yourself.

Need guidance on navigating addiction in your family?

Integrated Recovery Services offers free support for families, including virtual groups and personalized resources.